What I have been writing is not an inspirational quote. It is the wisdom I've gathered along a painful path. It is me from the darkest place, trying to find light, entirely alone. This was me sitting in a room with my most traumatized self, looking her in the eye directly. I learned lessons from her. We go together, or not at all.
Without accountability, all types of relationships suffer a lack of intimacy, inability to extend true compassion, and failure to create a trusting space between those involved.
We need to be aware of our triggers, aware of our projections and what our roots are in understanding love and pain from our families, earliest memories, and past connections. We need to be able to be accountable for our well being and our healing, so that we do not repeat the same patterns that perpetuate trauma, poor boundaries, and unhealthy attachments. We need to be accountable for our actions, our words, and our intentions in order to extend our true selves to the bonds we create, rooting them securely. If you are going to make a choice, make the choice with intention.
Be the driver. Took a wrong turn? Turn the car around. Hit someone on the way to your destination? Get out of the car and make sure you and them are okay before getting back in.
Sudden change and you're afraid of the trip? Get the hell out of the car, breathe. Perhaps you are a walker instead and the pressures of society at one point forced you into a car, abandon that 2 ton waste of space and walk. Fluidity is the essence of us, of life. We can, at a moment's notice, decide to change and to start again. You do not need to abandon yourself and your ability to be loved, no matter how familiar it feels.
Growth can only happen in what is discomforting to us, what is painful, and through acknowledgement of our pain, how we have been traumatized, and how we have wounded others.
We can not surrender ourselves to wounded people and make it out unscathed, and this includes self. There are too many who jump from person to person, not taking the time to focus on why things keep failing, not taking accountability for what is broken in them to be able to heal. They repeat the same pattern, and the pain they cause will be inevitable. Forgivable and understandable, but so very sad to watch and to experience when you are on the receiving end. Accountability ensures that this is not you, and when it is, it creates space to heal in order to engage in secure and healthy connections in the future. Defensiveness is not an alibi to healing, it takes immense strength to be vulnerable in acknowledging the need to change.
We should not suffer in the silence of our pain and what haunts us. Grab the weed from the root, rip it out, and grow an abundant garden. We are not fated to our chains. We are capable of immense change.
Accountability of self is necessary. The ability to communicate the ways in which we are hurt is necessary. The ability to look at and name what is painful, and the ways in which we are shattered is necessary. Too many justifications, twists and turns, and disingenuous noise that fills the space where love should be.
I understand too many are apathetic to these truths. Stick with who resonates with you. Remember, you are energy, ground yourself in who keeps you authentic.
People are inundated with their hall of mirrors that infinitely repeat back to them only what seems safe, not is safe. Rarely do you find anyone living the words that resonate with their soul, they only sit and wish they "could." This is where the power of accountability helps us turn "could" into "can" and "would" into "will."
If we do not choose accountability, vulnerability, and intention, we will be met with the inevitable repetitive actions that are mediocre to our soul and that are harmful to others and ourselves.
When we accept that we are forgivable, that we are human, and that we are capable of laying our past selves to rest and give them our regards, then we can begin to open up to meaningful connections. In the meantime, we lay stagnant, unaccountable for ourselves, and that is just not genuine to who you are, and it closes you off from the love you so strongly desire.
You are also responsible for creating a safe harbor if you are going to go out of your way to connect with others. You do not get to assure someone that they can "open up" and then condemn them. You do not get to bring down a person's walls just to shame them and knock them in the gut.
If you are going to be this person, at least own up to it, have intention, name your insincerity for what it is. Be accountable, anything less is indifference, and I know for myself, indifference does not earn the name truth.
On purpose, by accident, through indifference or ignorance, if you are wounded and through those wounds you extend pain to another, take the guards down and let accountability in.
Give others the chance to experience what changed in you. Say its name together, so that the wounded version of you can be laid to rest.
Brittany Rose, Chromatic Bloom
Oil, Procreate,18" x 18"
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